An introduction

Time for another day of pretending I'm absolutely fine, not showing any of those around me the internal struggles that continue to limit me.

IBS is something which has had a hold on my life for around the last ten years. I can't say that it has ruined everything - I've had some great times with great people, but it's hard to think about creating any more of these memories when the overwhelming thought is my inability to eat certain foods, take part in activities, spend full days outside the houses. The self-doubt creeps in, the panic, the stress, nothing is simple.

I understand that it's extremely difficult for Doctors to try and treat IBS - it's something which varies from one patient to the next, but as a patient it's difficult to not feel helpless when you've tried various combinations of diets and medicines with little success. "This time things will be better" you tell yourself, only to find six weeks later you're right back where you started - sat at your office desk wanting nothing more than to leave and go back to the comfort of your own home, hiding the pain you're feeling and the overwhelming feeling of panic.

This is how the cycle starts.
IBS is something which makes me conscious about everything I do. Should I eat that food? Should I drink that? How many tablets should I take? Where can we stop on the journey?

Inevitably this causes stress and feelings of hopelessness - you worry over every little detail, desperately hoping to avoid any moments which you may or may not have previously experienced. Any signs of stomach pain or 'the symptoms' sends you into a frenzy - deep breathing, a concoction of tablets, home remedies. Why are none of these working!?

After you begin to obsess over every aspect of your life, you start to feel hopeless. We're told there is no cure, no 'easy fix' - it's only IBS, it's not something more serious. "Change your diet" they say, only to find that eating a banana one day feels great, and then the next sends you into a fit of agony that ends with you curled up on the bathroom floor.

So what is the result of these feelings of panic, stress, hopelessness? IBS.

And so the cycle begins again.
The negative feelings we desperately fight against to keep in control of our lives slowly gain more power. Our stomach reacts to what our mind is telling it - there's no solution, no way out of this problem.

By no means do I claim to know anything about these states, but this is my story. How my life has suffered as a consequence of "only IBS". I've tried various tablets, diets, exercise regimes, hypnotherapy yet I still find myself sat awake at midnight, avoiding the pain that comes with lying down.

I'll continue to provide my story in the hope that it resonates with others, and encourages them and myself that this lifestyle can change and we can win this. At the moment though, it certainly doesn't seem that way.