The next day

20 days later...

I had good intentions. I was going to make this a regular thing from the off, commit, get my story out there...

Something I've always struggled with since jumping onto this downward slope is committing to new things. I've tried to learn languages, pick up new skills, read and understand new things but always struggle to stick with them for a sustained period of time. I'm quick to reach a point where it feels like I'm not getting anywhere, I'm not going to get anywhere and there are a lot of people that are doing a better job than I am. 

The negative cycle I'm stuck in does seem to be getting worse - IBS causes anxiety and hopelessness for me, and this has a knock-on effect on the IBS. You can see where this is going...

It;s difficult to find enjoyment in things when you're in this state of mind. Everything seems like a task and the only escape is the comfort of your own home, yet it's their where you feel most vulnerable and alone. The solace of your own mind is a source of great comfort for some yet for those facing the sort of issues which I'm discussing, it's debilitating.

I want to quit my job. I want to leave my flat. I want to eat better. I want to exercise more. I want to make a difference. I want a fresh start.

Sounds easy, doesn't it?

A starting place for many is online. Researching any potential sources, speaking to others in the same position and desperate searching for a forum or website which shows others in the same position as you. The problem is that IBS isn't consistent - a solution for one person is a source of trouble for another. 

There's been very little structure to this post, it's been more of a reminder to myself and others that it's not stopped just yet. However as I try to regain more control and positivity in my life, I'm hoping the structure and content of this blog can continue to pick up!

Bear with me